I Love NYC

I miss you, Lara

Dear Lara,

Ten years ago today, you were gone.

I was in my senior year at USC when I got the call from Meredith asking if you had contacted me. I had spoken to you only days before and you said you were coming to LA to visit me soon.

Lara, you were my best friend during the years when having a best friend is the only thing that matters. I cherished our talks about boys, celebrity crushes (Christian Slater and Luke Perry of course), 90210, who would be our first real kiss, and of course the love of our lives Ian :). We shared so much at such a vulnerable time that my memories are palpable; I can close my eyes and see your face smiling at me and hear your laughter. Remember when you wore that witch's costume on Halloween and tried to get my attention outside Mrs. Kaufman's 7th grade Science room?! We had just had our twilight zone marathon at my house and our favorite quote was " I won't!" Or remember when we danced around in your studio to Paula Abdul's cold hearted snake and Karyn White's secret rendezvous? Or when we rewound the tape (ahhh tapes!) over and over again of Dylan and Brenda kissing?! Then we went to Catalina and decided Eddie Furlong was our real true love-ha! So many memories...

I miss you so much. Sometimes I swear I see you from a distance, out of the corner of my eye, and then when I turn you are gone. Or I have dreams that we are together and catching up and wake up momentarily relieved and happy~until the realization sets in that you aren't here anymore.
I'm grateful for the the big talk we had at the end of our senior year when we discussed the "awkward stage" of our friendship during high school. I know you said you understood and we talked it all out but I want you to know I wish we had never drifted. I have beat myself up for it for years. I'm so thankful we reconnected at the end of it, and became closer than ever for a period of time before I went off to college. I know in my heart if you were here you would be a part of my life and still to this day one of my best friends.

I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. I will always wonder why? and secretly hate the universe for taking you away. I hope you are happy, beedi. I have a while to go down here, but can't wait to hug you again one day. Thank you so much for being a part of my life.

Love you always,

Z